just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
