She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
