is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
