remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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