kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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