no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
