Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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