sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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