For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
