you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
