i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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