I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
