your parents love me but you hate me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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