..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
