You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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