Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
