Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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