Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
