he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
