I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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