This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
