So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
