Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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