I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
