P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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