At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
