She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
