I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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