walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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