Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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