READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
