Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
