What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
