'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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