I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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