mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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