Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize