I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
