i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
did i walk over a car last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
