So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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