Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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