I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just took my morning after pill in the library
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
