Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
