one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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