I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
