neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
