Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
