we have pet lesbian snakes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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