Are we in a gay sports bar?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
