when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
