You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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