how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
