He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
