I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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