Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
