I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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