I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
