I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
