Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
