In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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