Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
