he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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