so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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