I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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