happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
