He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
