I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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