I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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