Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
