people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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