Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
