I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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