he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Panties = found
Randomize
