We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
