Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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