she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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