just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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